I've posted about "my" stages in all of this. Devastation, denial, hope, back to devastation...
I know I haven't handled all of this well. Most days I wander in circles and can't get out of my own way. Since the day of Tessi's diagnosis though I have "tried" to prepare myself for her death. As much as I hate the thought of it, I've tried my best to plan ahead and be prepared.
I have pain meds on hand for the chance things suddenly take a horrible turn. I've already discussed her crossing over with my veterinarian's office, whether they offer home service, or if I'll have to seek someone else to come to the house if that ends up being the way I want to go.
I've spent time wondering how the other cats will handle her passing. When we lost Tessi's mother, Evie, Teddy took it the hardest. I can honestly say I've never had a pet so outwardly, obviously grieve, to the point I could see what was happening.
Quite frankly, that's how we ended up with Thea. I wanted to mend his broken heart. Seven years ago I brought Tessi home so he wouldn't be alone but she's never been a rough and tumble girl. She's always been a princess. Her mother on the other hand could put the smack down on Teddy and give him the run for his money that he needed. Thankfully, Thea does the same. She may be little but she's fierce.
But, I digress...
My point is, while I'm a hot mess, I still thought I had all my bases covered. Until tonight...
Bob, my rock, my practical voice of reason, Mr. Black and White (no gray anywhere), Mr. Matter of Fact, said something I did not see coming...
"Arline, stop feeding her so much; she'll get fat!"
I just cried. I've told him while nothing is written in stone what her life expectancy is. I've read him all my research. He's seen me cry myself to sleep. I worried about ME. I worried about the other cats. OMG! I never considered him.
When I told him she wouldn't live long enough to get fat... he thought I was horrible for thinking that way. Oh, how I wish he were right, but I'm afraid he's not.
….and I thought he was the practical one in the house. The one who would tell me "it's time" if I couldn't bring my own heart to see it. Oh, Oh.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. <3
Live every day as if it were your last.
Hugs and Purrs,
Arline
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Thank you. I wish I had been able to keep the blog going. This is my first time back here since losing her. My heart is still broken. Not a day passes that I don't wonder what I could have or should have done differently. Deep down I know there is nothing I could have changed, but I'd have given anything to be able to
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