Tuesday, August 7, 2018

TUESDAY THOUGHTS ON TESSI

So much has changed yet so much remains the same.  I don't bawl to the point I can't get out of the car when I get home, but I do still shed tears everyday.  Tessi no longer hides at mealtime.  She comes running out, first in line; but, she's also lost a bit of weight.  Not much... but, a little. It could also be my imagination and her wiggling on the scale.   I've taken to only looking at the tumor now and then, and only because I want to make certain there's no sign of infection.  I no longer make her open her mouth several times a day. What's the point?  I can't change anything.  I am trying to live each day by "treat the cat not the tumor".  If she's eating, if she's happy, we're good.  The tumor continues to grow.  Apparently it is wasted wishes throwing pennies into the fountain in hopes that it would shrink.

She's drooling more than she had been.  Which is no HUGE difference around here.  For a cat with an underbite, she's always been a bit of a drooler.  It's noticeable though and we've begun the nightly process of washing her face and chest to keep her clean.





I start every day as if it's the last. Mornings are hard.  Evenings are better.  She's more active, happy, and outgoing.  It's definitely a rollercoaster ride.  I question myself every day if I'm doing right by her.  Just when I think I'm keeping her here for ME, I look into her eyes and see that soul that still has fight.  She comes running into the room to steal a wrapper.  She dives off the windowsill to run to the next window to chase a chipmunk.   If I didn't KNOW she had cancer I'm not sure I'd be questioning all these things.  She really doesn't act any differently than the other cats.  But, I KNOW... hence I second guess myself.  I promised her she would not know she was sick or live in pain.  She can't talk though, so I have to go with my gut and pray it doesn't stir me wrong.



Last night she slept all curled up next to me, purring the night away.  I'll take that as a win and another good day in the books.


Hugs and Purrs,
Arline & Tesserae



5 comments:

  1. Your worry is natural and questioning yourself will continue to be a daily (hourly, minute by minute)occurrence. Trust me you will know when. You are fulfilling your promise to her and likewise she to you.

    Focus on the good. She sees into you and your feelings. If you give her happy images she will pick up on it. Remember be like Noah.

    Love and hugs Lisa

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    1. So very true, Lisa. I was just getting ready to created another post because I tend to come here when I'm all melancholy and while I know this story will be coming to an end, we do have more chapters to write and more good days than bad. love you.

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    2. Getting your feelings out is good therapy. I like to tell friends it is okay to have bad days just don't set up camp and stay there. Love you back! Lisa

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Something was brought to my attention today by a dear friend and I thought I should clarify my post, or posts... or heck, the whole darn blo...